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 OCF™ Non-hair Discussion Q and A

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PostSubject: OCF™ Non-hair Discussion Q and A   Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:08 am

Here is where we answer all of your Non-hair related questions within popular culture (fashion, skin-care, parenting, literature, politics, and more)!

OCF™ Administrator -
Keanu and my Father are my heroes.

Last edited by Elle on Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:44 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: OCF™ Non-hair Discussion Q and A   Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:11 am

Top Bulk Apothecary Outlets
Q: Where can we find butters, oils and Soapmaking supplies?

A: the most popular resource for your bulk apothecary and soapmaking needs are:


Metal Allergies and Dental Care  
Q: I have an extreme allergy to metal, but the dentist gave me a crown with silver-metal corners and I have had numerous infections off and on in that area of my mouth ever since, but the doctor won’t replace the crown for free, or even at a discount, even though their office gave me the wrong type of crown in the first place. What should I do?

A: No one, not even a medical doctor, or other professional has more intimate knowledge of your core hair, skin and overall health concerns (including dental), and how those concerns affect your long term health practices, than you. As you are allergic to metal and the dentist fits you with a silver/metal filling because they assume your allergy is simply a sensitivity to one type of metal as opposed to multiple types, or ALL metals, as the case may be with such allergies, and it appears to be the case, they are at fault for this error. If you were allergic to peanuts, most doctors would recommend avoiding all other nuts as well… But/and as they are unwilling to assume any formal responsibility (possibly for legal reasons) it is up to you to move forward with a new dental care provider. But, be sure to explain over the phone that you have an allergy and need to have your crown replaced with a solid porcelain, metal-free crown and hopefully it will be resolved in a timely manner over the next few months. In the event that you wish to pursue a case of negligence it would simply depend on if you could prove that you informed them of your allergies, before they put in the metal crown, in which case possibly you could proceed with a civil case for Gender-Battery…

The Real Benefits of Water, Sweat, Cardio, Sleep and Vegetarianism
Q: Are things like water intake type of diet and sleep really that important to our health, long-term?

A: Yes, as follows:

1. Water detoxifies and hydrates the body and maximizes the internal functions of the organs and skin.

2. Healthy Sweat releases toxins from the body and normalizes blood sugars and cholesterol levels and benefits healthy weight, skin tone and even hair growth.

3. Standing Cardio (walking, cycling, blading/skating, elliptical, treadmill, etc.) burns actual fat and shrinks fat cells as well as triggers fat burning hormonal activity, long term.

4. Min of 6-hours or more of Sleep each day triggers cellular turnover, rejuvenation and healing within the body.

5. A healthy Vegetarian-Friendly diet nourishes the body, and triggers fat-burning hormones within the body that help to maintain and stabilize weight (a good blue-green algae supplement, such as Spirulina is a highly recommended source of vegan DHA ; Cod Liver oil supplements are beneficial to those who do not normally consume a lot of seafood in the diet).

Popular Shopping Outlets
Q: Trying to find appropriate attire for work on a budget is not easy, what are the best mainstream retailers for finding good merchandise that is not considered completely Generic…?

A: More affordable retailers include:
Ann Taylor, Marshall’s, H & M, DSW,  
Burlington Coat Factory (outerwear),
Winners (London),  The Men’s Warehouse,
Old Navy (T's & swimwear), Target (for fitness apparel),  
Daz, Value City, ABT, HH Gregg,
Office Depot - to name a few

Great high-end venues include retail staples such as:
Barney’s (NYC), Harrod’s (London), Tiffany’s (NYC),
Bloomingdale’s (Chicago), Neiman Marcus (Chicago), Maxfield's (West Hollywood)


About Media Liability
Q: Are news outlets and papers criminally liable for printing inflammatory stories that are false?

A: With what we call freedom of the press, a certain amount of latitude is given in printing a story under the presumption that their source led them to believe it was true. Unless it is deemed an act of criminal negligence, then they will not necessarily be prosecuted for ‘mistakenly’ printing a story about someone that is not true, what will usually occur is that in some cases, the paper or outlet will issue a formal apology for the error accompanied by a formal ‘retraction’ of the story or comments made.

However, our civil court laws do allow some latitude for libel-and-slander (i.e., defamation-type) suits if the person feels that their character or ability to conduct business has been irrevocably harmed and that the stories, although untrue were printed in a malicious manner…


About the Impact of Institutional Racism
Q: I have heard the people speak of the African holocaust slave-trade as the reason for the negative perceptions about black people and highly textured natural hair. -- but, since natural hair styles have become more popularized of late, do you see a transition to more mainstream acceptance, or at least in countries of African Diaspora?

A: Well, not to digress too far from the actual question, but--

Slavery has historically been a part of ALL societies and cultures (Hebrews were slaves in Africa, Christians were slaves in Pagan-era Rome, Greeks were enslaved also, as well as Asian cultures and so forth, however/yet, historically, NONE of these other ethnicities are called upon to cite 'enslavement' as a part of their 'CULTURE', as opposed to being noted as a 'dark-time-in this-or-that-part-of-history...' in Europe, etc...)

So, no it is not the African holocaust that is responsible  for this or any Other negative connotation/s about 'hair', but it IS however racism [that drives the continual negative connotative specific associations with Africans--
Particularly as some mixed ethnicities are more sensitive about their African Ancestry than others (but, as according to biology 101 facts-- all the selective breeding in the world will still leave you with that last drop of African ancestral blood as DNA tests have shown) -- remember what happened when they said tests would show Asians were Indo-Europeans, etc... and the tests led them straight to Sub-Saharan West Africa (there was all the rigmarole of rote niceties in public about a need for greater human understanding and cultural bonds and whatnot, however that was essentially the end of that research project--!)]...

And despite the bravura front, I don't think the government was ready to embrace their 'dark-cousins' as ancestral brethren-- even despite the fact that history has long demonstrated (before the advent of DNA technology) that ancient societies began with Africa (see Ethiopians of N. E. Africa and the Lemba people of S. Africa-- and let us not forget the Africans who spearheaded ancient European societies (esp. the Colchis who colonized the Caucus region) from which many European peoples derive their ethno-affiliations... It is steeped in Eur-African culture...)

And even in Europe today, with what should be a source of human bonding and connections, some mixed groups will still consider a description as 'mixed' or 'non-white-Caucasian' as grounds for a fist-fight...

(also: even how African are described in common language has an impact... for example if you don't know the specific ethno-background of someone who is from China, Japan, Korea or the Philippines; or Mexico or Spain or Puerto Rico-- you will politely say Asian or Latino, but globally Africans are referred to in a non-descript manner as 'Black' this or 'Black' that, -- no one would dare say beige this or brown that  to describe whole peoples-- it is objectifying in the worse way... All black people are of African ancestry and it leaves one to wonder --exactly how hard is it to say African or of African ancestry...? Not to mention the fact that DNA science has now proven that all humans came from the same African ancestors in the same African region--but westernized racism, even now wants to classify THOSE black folks as 'non-white' Caucasians -- which is impossible since we evolved from a central point in Africa, not Europe -- (a point some Ethiopians have even gone to US court over, to rectify) and even if we can't all be friends, we can at least respect our mutual humanity and live and let live)--

So, as with all societal ills, no, it is not history, or acts of war, but horrifying Racism that is at the root of our discontent in this particular matter...


And The Great Racism Debate Rages On

Remember that year (2009), when famed Harvard lecturer, and historian, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. was arrested for EWB (existing while Black) – when, Allegedly, he was mistakenly arrested by Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley (for breaking into his OWN house) ???

I had an interesting discussion the other day with one of my friends from Sweden, who wanted to know if I thought racism was finally over in the U.S. … (I know, I know, but everyone in the world, today, isn’t negative, (thankfully) so here’s what I explained…)
Q: since Barack Obama was elected to office, does racism still influence our daily lives?

A: Remember that year when famed Harvard lecturer, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. was arrested for EWB (existing while Black) – when, allegedly, he was mistakenly arrested by Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley (for breaking into his OWN house) ???

Gates’ Fellow Harvard lecturer Charles Ogletree (at the Law School) was so enraged that he wrote a book about it.

The odd thing is that a number of reviewers found the book satisfactory to good, but expressed more surprise over the fact that educated (or upper-class Blacks as they were being called) seemed to ‘forget’ that they were Africans , first and then rich or educated or whatever upper-class echelon they belonged to.

Our response, here, is that Such language is reminiscent of that bandied about by persons who tolerate so-called ethnic cleansing and it is frightening...

We have a responsibility to ourselves and others in how we allow ourselves to be treated in the world. Most law-abiding citizens want to be treated with basic respect. And it is strange that people are quick to attack the victim in their surprise over discrimination... There was a time not so long ago when women could not report being raped. Or is one act of inhumanity different from another because of some minor ethnography...?

I would love to be treated as a Black person. Because that means Human, first! You wrongly implicate Blackness or ethnicity with wrongness and that is the foundation of what we now know to be defined or labeled as racism, is. People are people. And even now, thanks to technology, we now know without a doubt that us HUMANS are from the same single ancestor who migrated out of Africa to become the beautifully diverse ethno-groups we now represent. Regardless of 'class', there is nothing wrong with being African-first or European-first, or Asian-first or Latino-first, or Middle-Eastern-(whether Arab or Hebrew)-first, or native American-First, and so forth, because it is simply another way of saying fellow Human Being.

And while we may not all be able to become friends to one another, at the very least, it calls for respect.

So, the final answer is this:
Yes, unfortunately, the aftershock of institutionalized racism still impacts our lives, here,and throughout most of the world (let’s not forget about how the U.S. government has systematically sought to cause a rift in the International Black Community (remember, they want (‘mixed’ Africans, i.e., )Northern-African blacks (Ethiopia, Somalia, Egypt, Nubia, etc. ‘classified’ as Caucasian—we think it has to do with the embarrassment over DNA finally proving that the first humans factually populating the world from their ancestral beginnings in Africa (Ethiopia to be specific and NOT out of  independent Europe origins, as was previously argued by European White scientists as late as the 1900s--), as well as the recent goings on in South Africa remember Apartheid in the U.S. and South Africa) but, hopefully with advances in technology and the world becoming a more homogenous mixture of cultures, with this new human-melting-pot diversity, will also bring understanding and tolerance and friendship.


About Teenagers and  Sex

Q: My boyfriend of 3 years wants to make love. I want to wait until we are married (we’re 16) What should I do?

A: Only you can decide what is best for you, but you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone and just because you go out with someone doesn’t entitle them to anything, including sex.

And most teenagers would agree that they are generally NOT ready for adult responsibilities. So, Without getting into the ethics of is unmarried sex wrong or right, the basic question to ask yourself is this,

“Is it responsible for a teenager to have a baby before age 21?”  or “Is it responsible for a teenager to get married before age 21?” , and “Do you know if your boyfriend is negative for herpes, warts and hiv/aids?”—  

If you answered no to either question, then you also know that it is not responsible for a teenager to have sex.  Sex is an adult responsibility with adult consequences (incurable diseases, unplanned pregnancy and clinical depression related to sexual stress). Condoms are not fool proof and there are a handful of std type diseases that are transmissible through non-sexual contact, (herpes, warts, to name a few), so one would hope that a young person would be able to find the inner strength to resist the pull of pubescent teen hormones and say NO to sex and oral sex and random makeout sessions…

Note: When it comes to obtaining sex, sometimes people will lie, they will lie about having Herpes, they will lie about being in love, so Even if you aren’t having sex, you still need to protect yourself, because you can still contract highly communicable (incurable) diseases like HERPES (which affects one-in-three people under the age of 50) just through making out or sharing eating utensils or beverages and cups… SO, be careful to avoid eating and drinking after people or making out with people whose std status you don’t know.

Even if you’re just making out, you need to know if they are healthy (and don’t make out with anyone who hasn’t had a full std screening, and is NEGATIVE for all diseases including herpes, warts and hiv and aids (all of which are incurable at this time, btw) as well….  

The only way to protect yourself 100% is to not have sex. It might just save your life! But, if you do, don’t have sexual or romantic or casual contact with anyone who hasn’t shown you their std-results are all negative in writing (anyone who asks you to make out or for sex cannot be offended that you want to protect yourself and them from disease, and anyone who is, is hiding something). In a perfect world, Teenagers and other young people below the age of 21 would be able to have fun without being pressured for sex, but you can protect yourself. Don’t do it. Remember, you can be exposed to some std’s just by making out, so don’t even kiss another person that you don’t know their full std-status (anyone will tell you if they don’t have hiv or aids, but almost no-one admits that they have herpes), And don’t ever do it or anything else without condoms and having written test results first.



About Going Back To School
Q: I flunked out of school in my second semester of college and really regret not taking my studies seriously. Is there anything I can do to be readmitted,  I’d really like to earn my degree?

A: As the saying goes, it’s NEVER too late for second chances. And completing your degree will go a long way to ensuring that you will have a happy, successful career path in your lifetime.

The readmission process can be quite long, (and there is no guarantee that they will take you back), so it is important to follow these basic steps when trying to get back into the school that dropped you for poor scholarship.

The first thing you must do is be prepared, for the ‘just in case they say No scenario’. Schools take failure personally, it hurts their rankings nationally, so they really have no reason to let you back in. It is up to you to help them to see that readmitting you as a student will benefit the university, so you MUST demonstrate that you have the discipline and ability to meet the requirements for graduation that got you admitted in the first place. So, you know you have the POTENTIAL to succeed academically, but to be successful in college, you must be able to EXECUTE what you have learned successfully and with diplomacy to the instructor's satisfaction to earn an acceptable grade.

1). Find out what shat courses and community colleges your school allows transfer credits from.

2). Register for classes at one of the community colleges nearest your home.

3). Get all A’s—

4). Once you have taken at least 9 hours or more of transferable course work equal to or greater than the number of hours you failed or earned grades lower than B, make an appointment to see the academic advisor in admissions and records and tell them that you know you messed up in the past but you really do want to complete your degree and that you’ve been taking classes to demonstrate that you can handle college coursework.

5). They will ask you for a petition in writing, so you should have a formal request for consideration for readmission to the university in writing when you go and a copy of your grades from where you have been taking classes and they will forward the petition to the college (office of the dean) for formal consideration.
If things go well, they will readmit you on probation, but in some cases an appeal may be denied for various reasons (not enough course work or other reasons).

6). In the event your petition is denied, don’t give up, but simply start over… Continue taking classes and apply as a transfer student from community college to a new (backup choice) university as an undeclared major (this will improve your chances for admission) and do NOT include any of your previous coursework or schools that you flunked out from (they will not admit you if you do, you need to establish a clean record with the new grades from the community college to transfer in). And don’t mess up again.

7). In The Event You Plan On Going To Graduate School Someday….
Now this is the tricky part that they don’t actually explain to students. Even if you are able to beg your way back into school after messing up your first year or two, and graduate with flying colors, when Applying to Graduate School. Past Failures will reflect negatively on your application and chances are that you will not be admitted for graduate studies…

If you really want to go to graduate school despite those undergraduate missteps, then you will need to START OVER completely and instead of trying for readmission, now, you must first decide what your favorite backup university is and plan accordingly to graduate and apply to graduate school from THERE by doing the following;
a. Successfully complete 65credit hours of transferrable work (or what ever the requirement is for transfer students) at the community college that is closest to your home that they will accept transfer courses from.
b. Get absolutely all A’s-- . Apply to your favorite (backup) TOP-Tier university (Harvard, Howard, Yale, etc), that you can afford (transfer students may not be eligible for many scholarships), but is still a viable foundation that you can use as your platform to apply to the graduate school of your choice, later…  
c. Never ever include any previous schools or coursework other than those good transfer credits that got you this second chance. In fact, leave the past in the past and don’t even mention it. If anyone asks, why you started college so late, just say that you wanted to save money and gain a little more life experience to be sure you were prepared for university level studies and so forth…
d. Work your tail off once you get there (no parties, no dating), and undergrad will be over before you know it (and then you can relax and date---unless you plan on grad school, in which case you can relax and date AFTER you finish your PhD or MD).

Cool. Now, Even if you can’t return to your original school, for whatever reason, you can still complete your degree. But, that will require forgiving yourself those past mistakes and just taking the plunge to start over. And even though Starting Over academically can be a little difficult, it is the hard academic lessons that afford us the most insight.

This is important, because, while we all get second chances, we don’t always get third or fourth opportunities to get it right…

So, knuckle down and study hard. You can party AFTER you get your degree!

Good Luck!


About Fertility After Age 40

Q: Is it possible to have healthy children after 40?

A: Yes. We now know that healthy fertility is based on a number of factors including the following:
* A Healthy Fertility Cycle
* Balanced Hormones
* Healthy Eggs and Healthy Sperm
* Age
* Proper Circulation
* Healthy Sperm
* Other Health Status

And although natural fertility declines significantly after age 35 or so, thanks to healthy diet regimens and modern medical fertility solutions, many women have successfully become pregnant with their own, or had their own biological embryo carried by a surrogate to term. Cheryl Tiegs, Halle Berry, Salma Hayek, Steve Martin and Jack Nicholson all had biological children after age 40.

In addition to seeking the medical advice of a certified n OBGYN/Prostate or other Fertility Specialist you must also undertake the following steps to optimize pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and post-pregnancy conditions:

* 1. Begin A Healthy Fertility Diet (essential for men and women)
* 2. PreNatal Vitamin Formulas (for women)
* 3. Daily Multi (for men)
* 4. Folic Acid (400-MCG  ), Iron (15-MG), L’arginine (16-G), B-6 (100-MG), Vitamin C ( 500-MG),
      Flax Seed Oil ( 400-MG)
* 5. Fertility Herbs such as Vitex (restores balance of progesterone and estrogen levels), Tribulus
      (good for sperm), and Maca (benefits male and female fertility)
* 6. Avoid Alcohol, Avoid Caffeine, Avoid Smoking
* 7. Invest in an Ovulation Kit (with a basal thermometer)
* 8. Keep a Fertility Calendar (ovulation is usually on the 14th  day BEFORE the date of your next period.
      So, calculate your ovulation date and then have sexual-inter*ourse 2-days before AND after that  
      particular day.
* 9. Do IT In The Traditional Missionary Position (traditional man-on-top, face-to-face position is best;
      not only is it the most orgasmic for women next to cunnilingus, it is the most fertile natural position)
* 10. Exercise (Walking, Cardio, Fertility Yoga, etc.; if you are overweight, you should lose the excess
        weight before becoming pregnant)
* 11. Foods that Benefit Progesterone and Estrogen (for women) and Testosterone (for men): Plain Water
        (8-10 Glasses Daily) ; Wild Yams (not the same as sweet potatoes, so read labels carefully; Cashews,
        Walnuts, Peanuts, Almonds ; Foods with Zinc (Shellfish, Cooked Oysters, Spinach, Toasted
        Wheatgerm, Pumpkin and Squash Seeds, Cashews) ; Foods with B-6 (Whole Grains, Soy Milk,
        Fortified Cereals) ; Bean Soup (Baked Beans, Adzuki, Chic Peas, Kidney Beans, Other Beans) ;
        Mushrooms (Shitake, Morel, Portabella) ; Dark Cocoa and Dark Chocolate ; Culinary Herbs
        (Turmeric, Oregano, Thyme), Raw Fruits (Strawberries, Blueberries, Bananas, Apples, Mangos,
        Cantaloupe, ; Raw Vegetables (Broccoli, Cauliflower, Kale, Arugula, Tomatoes, Avocados, Zucchini,
        Squash, Eggplant)
* 12. Fertility Acupressure / Acupuncture (benefits fertility in men and women)
* 13. Eastern Medicine Specialist (for holistic fertility diet recommendations)
* 14. Traditional Fertility Specialist


About Celibacy
Q: Is it possible for adults to date while celibate?

A: There are people who ‘wait for marriage’ everywhere, so definitely yes. And even if you are simply making a lifestyle change from active to celibate, you are still not alone.

Not to mention the fact that today, maturing adults aged 50 and older are the fastest growing demographic for incurable diseases such as herpes, HIV, Aids, Warts, Hepatitis-C and the like.

And as a result a number of singles are making the choice to abstain from sexual activity with persons they are not married to.

If you’ve never been sexually active, there won’t really be any big changes in your regimen or lifestyle, other than to let any potential significant other know that you don’t want to have sex before marriage, but for those trying to transition into a sexless dating arena from a past sex-life, it can get a little tricky trying to explain to a lover that you still want to date, but no longer want to have sex while unmarried, but it is not impossible.

If you are dating you will need to be honest and clear with your significant other when sharing the importance of this change in your lifestyle and that (or if) you’d like them to make the transition with you (some will, some won’t). But, you will find that when the right person comes along, they will honor your life choices also, and in many cases, embrace them with you.

Now, Some of your friends will be happy for you, some will be neutral and some will be openly negative about the whole celibacy thing. Out of sheer jealousy alone, you are going to get a lot of negative feedback from people you consider friends. Ignore them; they’ll get over it and so will you.

You have the right to not have sex regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. And anyone worthy of the new you will consider themselves lucky to have found someone who is willing to raise the bar in terms of personal standards for themselves and others. And whether you are male or female, while it won’t always be easy, it will definitely be rewarding.

There are a few things you will need to do to stay out of temptation’s way…

1. Get tested. Even if you’ve never had sex, you should have a complete physical, dental exam and full blood-work-up each year. There are a number of highly transmittable diseases that do NOT require actual sexual contact to pass from person to person (making out or even just eating and drinking after other people really can give you cooties (herpes, etc).

2. Establish a support system. Lots of people with issues seek help from like-minded peers, and so can you. Meet other celibates (try seeking support groups in online forums to talk it out with anonymity), or if you are truly at a loss as to how to begin or share or not to share this momentous decision with those close to you, try therapy.

3. Avoid all temptation in general. Hanging out every now and then is fine, but bar-hoping and clubbing or anything that routinely involves already drunk cuties and alcohol is a recipe for (drunk-sexing) disaster. Stop partying so much and try smaller venues (movies, billiards, bowling, tennis, golf, hiking, gym-dates, etc.) and it will get easier.

4. Join a Gym, start a hobby, read more books, learn to play chess, travel. Think of all the good things you will and can do to improve your overall health in the long term by being celibate.

5. Watch your self esteem go up! Nobody really wants to be the guy or girl whose had hundreds of lovers by age 50 (or made out like Wilt Chamberlain who claimed to have lovers in the thousands). Self discipline is the first step in a commitment. It represents a commitment to yourself. And that means that you will be more likely to be successful in your relationship when the time comes to marry, and are less likely to cheat.

6. Don’t be afraid to be upfront about your lifestyle with others. Anyone who doesn’t understand that celibacy is not a phase for you, contingent upon a particular dating relationship, but a real part of your whole unmarried life, doesn’t deserve to get to know you better, anyway.

For a list of all the diseases and infections you won’t get by not having sex (or oral sex):

Good Luck!!


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PostSubject: Re: OCF™ Non-hair Discussion Q and A   Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:12 am

About Prayer
Q: I have recently begun to look into online 'spiritually' centered advice for some of my questions about religion, but I was a little confused about prayer,-- it seems as though most people pray when they need something or are worried, and I wasn't sure how to go about asking about the function of prayer in religion without offending anyone, and I can't ask my relatives or friends and they aren't supportive and think that belief in something other than one's self or some type of religion is cultish--and praying with people is weird-- what should I do?

A: It's important to remember that The Bible, itself is a collection of prayers and Moral Allegories to be used as a general Moral guide, but have been translated and interpreted by Men, who undoubtedly have interjected their unique point of view (hence why we have so many versions of the Christian Bible and other religious texts today) into the various liturgy...

But, that collection of prayers and allegories, as all religious texts is//and/are rooted in Faith.

The Bible indicates that there is a time an a place for everything (i.e., to pray, dance, laugh, cry, mourn, heal, bear witness, etc.) and that can be applied to all experiences, even the all too human experience of falling from grace or re-discovering The Lord.

And that you may find yourself, like so many millions of other human on this earth filled with a need to express that greater belief, in the form of prayer is just fine.

Pray to give thanks, or for guidance, or just because...

But, if you feel that you need more specific help, you can always ask your local clergy (in person) and hopefully they will be able to help you address any possible 'internal' conflict that you can't cope with on your own.

And sometimes a friendly voice is more helpful than a kindly stranger on the boards. And also, how you choose, finally to express that devout Faith will be up to you.

But, know that ultimately, what each man (or woman or child) must do is look within themselves and live within the boundaries of their own conscience as a fellow human...



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PostSubject: Re: OCF™ Non-hair Discussion Q and A   Mon Jul 17, 2017 7:31 am

About Shared Bathroom Etiquette
Q: My hubby leaves his beard hair, arm-pit hair, leg hair, and even you –know-where-down-there-hair in the sink and sometimes tub/shower. He did not do this before we were married, and this is something that started in the past year or so, but I can’t take it anymore. I told him it was tantamount to abuse/mental cruelty and if it continues, I think we should separate. He claims I am a neat freak and am being inflexible and unfair. Am I?

A: Most married people expect to have to be a bit neater when they are living with others and sharing bathrooms and kitchen areas, etc. And as you are his partner/spouse, and not his maid, sickbed nurse, home-care attendant, nanny, or grandma, his behavior is inappropriate on several levels. And while no one is perfect and even the neatest person, occasionally forgets to clean their dishes or empty the dryer, restroom etiquette is a bit more sensitive. And if the man you met and married displayed normal to reasonable hygiene and personal habits, suddenly begins to treat these household areas like the local gas station pit stop, then, No, you are definitely not being unreasonable and certainly not being unfair. He is, however being extremely inconsiderate to his house-mate/spouse and it’s not just rude, it’s unsanitary. Adults don’t expect other, able-bodied adults to regress in terms of overall etiquette and hygiene, and any physically capable person over the age of 12 should be able to manage cleaning up their own body-hair in the bathroom. And if frankly, when a grown man stops trying to impress his wife (and children) with even basic standards for hygiene, etiquette and general bathroom decency, there’s something else going on, and it’s definitely a problem. While, some people don’t mind messiness, others simply can’t tolerate it. And since this is not what was going on throughout your relationship, there definitely needs to be a serious conversation and maybe counseling to properly sort things out. But, if he won’t 1: go to counseling to address whatever else is bothering him, and also refuses to 2: clean up his act in the rest room, you will have to do what’s best for your personal peace of mind.

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Online. Clinique. Forum. ™ :: V. LIFE and WELLNESS :: A. Non-hair Discussion-
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